"I feel deep grief. About everything."
"My heart is breaking. Over and over."
"It feels relentless. I don't know how to process so much pain and there is no break from it."
I specialize in accompanying others through darkness, so heartbreak, grief, and internal pain make regular appearances. I will be the first to say they suck. Big time. I also know first-hand that the process of moving through those intense and uncomfortable feelings brings growth, authenticity, and strength.
That is all well and good when you are able to move, but often enough the heartbreak and ache is so painful and exhausting that we need some help.
Rather than trying to stop your heart from breaking, give your heart space to break open.
Here are, in no particular order, three specific ways to support and care for your tender, precious, fierce heart as it breaks open.
1: Heart Tonic
For those of us who feel grief (and sorrow and anger and joy) viscerally, heart-sinking is painful. It involves the physical sensation of the chest plummeting into the stomach, sometimes over and over and often with little provocation. Simply seeing a name or face, hearing a voice, or having even a split-second thought about a person or event triggers the heart-sinking feeling. It can happen when we are feeling okay--even good!--and send us into the place of grief and ache.
The Earth has your back--er, heart--in her offerings of healing herbs.
Hawthorn Berries* (Crateagus Oxycanthus) are known to support cardiovascular function, and in addition to benefiting your physical heart, they are also believed to strengthen your emotional heart. There are several ways to take hawthorn berry, including in tea, syrup, and jam, but I prefer it tinctured in brandy. A dropperful** of hawthorn berry tincture three times a day relieves that sense of pervasive grief while also lowering blood pressure, toning the heart muscle and its blood vessels, and providing antioxidants. #hawthornberries
Motherwort* (Leonurus cardiaca) has many of the same cardiovascular benefits as hawthorn and also supports the nervous system. Take a dropperful of motherwort tincture when the weight of the world is just too too much for your tired heart. A combination tincture of motherwort leaves and hawthorn berries is an uplifting heart tonic and can be taken at moments of acute heartache and/or daily. #motherwort
*Always check with your medical professional before taking herbs if you are on prescription medication, pregnant, or nursing. This information is for educational purposes only, has not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration, and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.
If you take prescription medications, be sure to check that herbal supports are not contraindicated. Since hawthorn affects blood pressure, it is not considered safe to take with meds for the heart and/or blood pressure. Hawthorn and motherwort are both contraindicated during pregnancy (that means don't take them). I do not recommend hawthorn while nursing. Motherwort is generally considered safe while nursing, but check with your doctor before using.
**A dropperful is one squeeze of the dropper and it doesn't fill the entire dropper. How many drops is in a dropperful generally varies between 15 and 25.
2: Chanting
Just over a decade ago, I began a personal transformation that would eventually alter my entire way of being in the world.
It all started with a chant.
A book I read said that in order to see results one should chant the chosen mantra 10,000 times. At first I found chanting awkward and a little silly, but after the first 1,000 times it was natural. By the time I had chanted my mantra 10,000 times (most of it in my head, which is totally legit), all I had to do was think "Ohm" and my body relaxed.
For the purposes of caring for your heart, I recommend chanting out loud. Start with the vowel sound "Ahhhhhh." Speak or sing it in a low, drawn out tone and you will feel it in the center of your chest, directly over your heart chakra***. You can even whisper it.
When you chant, your body matches the vibration of your tone and energetic balancing and healing occurs. If you aren't into energy work, just try speaking the vowel in a low tone and observe how it feels. If it brings you relaxation and relief, go with it. If not, try something else.
The sound "Ohm" (or "Aum") is popular for a reason. It is said that the "Word" God spoke to bring the entire Universe into Being was "Ohm."
When you vocalize "Ohhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmm," you will feel it between your bellybutton and your chest.
When you chant "Ohm," you vibrate at the same frequency of nature. Take a deep breath and breathe out with all of creation.
If chanting is just too woo-woo for you, try a song, a prayer, a poem, or simply a word: Breathe. Peace. Love. Hakuna Matata.
Here is the song my kids sing with me. It's a heart healer, for sure:
***If you're into it, google "heart chakra." There is a ton of information available online on the chakra system and specific ways to balance, support, and heal your heart chakra.
3: Revenge
I'm kidding.
Laughter. A good cry is cathartic; following a good cry with a good laugh is healing. You can skip the cry if you don't need it, but heart-felt, life-giving laughter is vital to heart health.
Senses of humor vary and so the only real guideline I can offer is that it be the kind of laughter that lifts you up. Snarky laughter can feel good in the moment, but it does not lift you up. You know the difference.
The ability to laugh at ourselves is a gift. So much of life is funny because when we look closely it is truly ridiculous. Again, let your laughter lift you up. Talk with a kindred spirit, watch your favorite comedian, enjoy a book or movie or show that makes you laugh.
And if all else fails, fake it. 'Cause that's pretty funny. #healinglaughter #healingtears
Know what else is funny? Foul-Mouthed Mystic. Click here to watch the whole f*cking show. (Language warning: It's called Foul-Mouthed Mystic for a reason.)
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Katie Carey is a spiritual midwife, community herbalist, and theater artist devoted to real-izing the Emerging Story. Katie spent 10 years doing theater in the Northwest, followed by 8 years of theater in Chicago. She then decided what she really wanted to do was raise a family in a hand-built hobbit hole in the middle of a mud puddle on a Montana farm. So that’s what’s happening now. Katie's works include How to Re-Ignite Your Internal Fire, Foul-Mouthed Mystic, Vasilisa + Baba Yaga (or: How to Destroy Your Enemies without Losing Your Soul), Excommunicated! The Musical, New Creation Stories for the Emerging Paradigm, The Real Life Adventures of Lizzy and Rilla, and Solitaire.
Katie has degrees in theater and spirituality, so she can act like she cares.
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